Wednesday, December 23, 2009

Renovation Bathroom Phase 1....DONE!

The bathroom renovation is complete. Two and a half days worth of hard work by my wonderful husband gave these results. Check out the before and after and let me know what you think. I am in LOVE with the new faucet. It has this old time water pump look to it and the water just looks beautiful flowing out. I couldn't be more happy than I am right now.




Totally cool faucet:

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

So it begins...

Yesterday was the start of our bathroom renovation. I talked about this awhile back and posted "before" pictures, which I will put up again once the transformation is completed. My husband installed our new toilet (yes...exciting, I know) yesterday. He got the old blue rusted sink out and has been preparing the area for the new one. We found some old tile behind the sink, which was the same lovely shade of blue/green, guess that was the "thing" back in the 60's. I am super glad to know that wasn't covering all the walls. At least the previous old couple did us a service to have that removed prior to selling.

Though it is only a toilet and vanity, I am still super excited about these changes to my home. I feel like each little thing we do in there is a HUGE step towards the final goal. We have a big project to replace the tub and add in real plumbing for a shower. We would love to tile the shower with slate and put in a new window. We actually have a window to install, but it isn't the same size so it will take some work to make the changes. I think in the end it will be quite a costly project to do the tub, so it waits. However, the vanity and toilet get us one step closer to the end result, which totally excites me. Plus, to no longer have to look at that nasty rusty sink will be a beautiful thing!

Pictures to come later today...I HOPE!

Monday, December 21, 2009

I made it...barely

I swear I just knew bad things were coming for this weekend. Do you ever get that feeling in the pit of your stomach where you can just tell something is off. Well, it was off big time! The in-laws came down to our town for the weekend as Jared's younger brother graduated from our local university. It has been a long road for him so I'm super proud he made it.

Anyway, the day was bitter cold and parking is hard to come by so my wonderful husband decided he would drop me off near the door so I didn't have to walk in the cold. (Insert awwwww here) There were many other husbands and families doing the same so we sorta just pulled into the drop off line and I jumped out. Had my much to large purse with our camera bag in my hands. I had to walk through a patch of snowy grass to reach the pavement. As I reached the pavement, it looked like normal; however, what I failed to see was that there was a thick covering of grayish MUD on the edge where I had to walk. I hit it, slipped and fell smack on my right knee. In front of hundreds of people I totally busted ass. Extremely embarrassed and muddy, I picked myself up and went inside. My MIL was standing there and wondered why I was muddy. I said, "oh yeah, I decided to run through the mud before coming really I fell". She wasn't listening and laughed. I just thought okay whatever. Jared comes rushing in to check on me and re-explains to MIL that I fell. She still didn't hear it. Finally when we got up to our seats and I am pulling up my muddy pant leg to look at my knee and she sees it is all banged up she says, "oh you FELL!" NO SHIT? REALLY? Did we not try to tell you that twice?

So yeah, not the best day I've ever had. But to make it even worse, after the graduation we all went to the brother-in-laws house for a party. We had dinner and drinks and talked for awhile. Finally we decided to go home, but as soon as we walked in the door we got a call that Jared's grandmother, who was still at brother-in-laws house, fell and cut her leg open. She had to be rushed to the ER and have 18 stitches put in her leg. Needless to say, I should have listened to my gut and STAYED AT HOME! Haha.

Today, my knee seems a bit better. Not as swollen but still hurty some. It is getting easier to walk and stand on it, but still pretty sore when it comes to standing up or sitting down. I haven't had it looked at yet and since it seems to be getting better I doubt I will. I'd guess I strained it and it will continue to improve with rest, elevation, and ice, which is pretty much how I treated it all day yesterday.

Back at work today and it's going to be a week from hell. I hope I can get through it without any real big incidents!

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Rant and Rave Wednesday

I've started to enjoy this whole rant and rave deal. Go check out Little Ms. Blogger to see what she is ranting and raving about this week.

Rave-I had two full hours without work to do today. I was supposed to be reviewing material, which I pretended to do, but it was wonderful to have some down time to sit and think.

Rant-Typically my work is very slow this time of year, but this year we are still keeping pretty busy. I guess it keeps me with a job, but I miss the down time.

Rave-Tomorrow is my last day of work for the week. Oh how I am ready for my Friday off.

Rant-I'll be spending my whole day off cleaning and getting ready for company over the weekend. The in-laws will be around Saturday and my family on Sunday.

Rant-I really wish I could totally skip over Saturday and not deal with those people.

Rave-My little niece is super excited to come see me on Sunday so she can check out our Christmas decorations. I hope she approves!

Well that's about it for me today. What's got your ranting and raving?

Monday, December 14, 2009

Thinking about the past...and the future

So last year at this time I was sitting in my small overcrowded apartment dreaming of the day I would get to have my own home, my own space, my own everything. Little did I know that a few short weeks away that dream would come reality and I would get to start work on my very own place. Here I sit a year later thinking back to the long process it took to get to this day. We are not close to being "finished" with this house but it is wild to think about how far we have come in such a short time. Much work, dedication, and love has gone into creating this thing I call my home. I can still picture in my head what it was like that first day we walked in the door. The walls were white and bare, the floors new and shiny, the curtains and shades old and worn. Such contrasting features it had. This house sat empty on the market for nearly two years as the couple who once called it home aged and slowly faded out of this world. Jared and I, a young couple just getting started on our life journey together, stepped in to pick up where they left off. That old couple lived most of their lives right here, raised a family, cared for one another. I think alot about that and how we are living our lives. I feel like we take pride in this home and in a weird way, maybe that makes me feel like we are honoring those who lived here before us. Though we never got to meet them or know them, our neighbors speak highly of the old couple. I like to think they can look down at their old place and see it is still well cared for and loved.

So anyway, thinking about where I was this time last year gets me thinking about where I will be this time next year. What dreams do I have now that I didn't have then. What dreams do I still dream that have yet to be reached? Hard work got us to this home. We got focused and had a goal set and we made it. I have so many other things in my life I want to do, goals to meet. Some easy, some hard, and some I feel like I will never attain. Why is that? Why should some seem so easy and some not reachable at all?

I dream of creating a family for this home. We would outgrow these walls very quickly but that is a different bridge to cross. Right now I dream of the sound of a baby, the smell and feel of soft skin, the joy of being a mother. This dream...I am so unsure if I will reach. I know it is not in the cards for this year but when I look back at this time next year will it be time? I have a huge barrier standing before me. I know at the weight I am, pregnancy is not only likely not possible to achieve, but extremely risky to the health of myself and a child if it were to happen.

I dream of a day when I can be comfortable in my body. Dream not to be thin but to FEEL GOOD and know I'm healthy. I have been on this roller coaster of diets in the past and it's like everyone says, diets don't work. Lifestyle change is what I need, but how? Where do I start? What resources do I use? I am lost. I've got a great support system with friends and family who dream the same dream I do. They want to see me healthy and happy and free from this burden that has weighed me down my whole life. Yet, I can't seem to figure this out for myself. This is my demon. I sit and think I REALLY want to be different yet at night I sit in my chair instead of going to the gym. I feel like this is an insurmountable mountain to climb. Like I have tried to conquer this thing for nearly my whole life and all I accomplish is failure. So, since every single time I've tried it has ended in failure; then why try? Yet, it holds me back. I can't do the things I want to do, can't really be who I want to be. I cheat not only myself but everyone I know. I am not the wife, friend, daughter, sister I want to be. The people most important in my life deserve more out of me than what they get.

How do I stop feeling sorry for myself and actually get past it? I have looked into surgical options. I am an excellent candidate for bypass; however, I have insurance that refuses to pay for obesity related treatments. Not even treatment with a dietitian. How sad is that? So, as surgery is about 25,000 bucks, it is not an option for me to pay this out of pocket.

The Biggest Loser? Yes, I have thought long and hard about wanting to sign up for this show. I do feel like I could be a good choice for them. I have a deep dark history, a good story some might say. Is it enough for them to choose me as a contestant? It's like a one in a million shot. Even if I did apply and beat out other people and be chosen to participate, where does that leave my job? my husband? house? etc? It would be like going away knowing I am going to lose everything I've worked hard for. My husband could not pay the mortgage without my income; so how could I know this and drop everything to leave for months. What would I be coming home to? Plus, not everyone gets to be gone 3 months. What if I give up my job to go and get voted off the first week? Then I'm left with nothing and will have nothing to show for it!

What are other choices? Pay out of pocket for a nutritionist and personal trainer. These don't really work on my budget either. I am feeling helpless, hopeless, scared. I wish lightening would strike and empower me and show me the way to fix this. Even the thought of death is not enough to "scare" me to change. What a loser this makes me and how I hate myself for thinking that I am less scared to die than to try! "When there is a will there is a way." Really? I don't see it.

And the worst part of all this is that friends/family just don't "get it." They see it from one side. The side that says, just get off your fat lazy ass and go to the gym, stop eating, stop thinking...just do it. It just isn't that simple. I have a real problem here! I CAN'T just stop eating. I wish alcohol or drugs were the problem, I can live without those. But food, I HAVE to eat. So enough of my "pity party" they say. But they don't have to feel the things I do each day. Don't feel how much it hurts to go to the gym, to be hungry. Don't understand the internal pain and turmoil I feel with even thinking about letting go of this fat. How shedding pounds is forcing me to let go of a "protection" I have created for myself and how letting go of that is scary and difficult. Maybe I will never win against all these demons. Maybe it will just be like this for me until it kills me. Regardless of all this, I still dream the dream of health for the year ahead.

What are your dreams?

Wednesday, December 9, 2009

Rant and Rave Wednesday

Well I decided to do another Rant and Rave Wednesday for all my blogger friends. If you haven't ever seen this before go check out LittleMsB and see what all the rantin and ravin is all about.

Rant: The weather has turned bitter cold but instead of getting lovely snow with it we simply get rain and flurries.

Rave: The fact that it is cold means that eventually snow will fall. I love the snow, most likely because I don't have to venture out in it unless I so choose. It looks beautiful, smells beautiful, and makes the holidays even more magical. I hope it snows before Christmas.

Rant: I don't have nearly enough of my Christmas shopping done and am afraid I'll be forced to go out with all those mean last minute shoppers. Why can't everyone have a good attitude about things regardless of the day the shop?

Rant: My wedding photos should be done within the next week and a half and I have to pay a good chunk in order to get them. The extra kick at my already strained budget leaves me feeling a bit worried.

Rave: I finally get to see the lovely reminders of our beautiful day.
Rant: I am feeling terribly down in the dumps the last few weeks and I want more than anything to feel like myself again. There are some real serious things weighing on my mind and no matter how hard I try to push them aside, they just won't let me sweep them under the rug.
Rave: The work day is coming to a close. Gosh I'm ready for a few hours to myself!
What's got you ranting and raving this week?

Tuesday, December 8, 2009

Rigging up the lights!

This morning as I'm catching up on my e-mail, I come across this one sent from my brother-in-law. I loved it so much I thought I would share it with all of you. I think this is a fantastic way to decorate your house! What do you think?

Make sure to read story at bottom…

Fantastic. Greg sends along this DIY FYI:

"Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever. Great stories....but two things made me take it down.

First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.

Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."

Monday, December 7, 2009

Weekend Review

My weekend was nothing all that special. The hubby and I attempted to get some Christmas shopping done on Saturday and had to go into the city to do it. I knew just what I was looking for and knew where to find it. I had just seen these things not two months ago and knew it was the exact price I wanted to spend. This was going to clear out 3 of the 11 people I needed to buy gifts for. I got to the store only to find that THEY RAISED THE PRICES! How ridiculous is that? I was there not two months before and these gifts were exactly what I needed to pay to keep myself in the budget. They had gone up 25% in price. I refused to pay the marked up prices so I was left to figure out new gift ideas for 3 people. UGH!

I was actually quite mad about this. I spent a good bit of my time and a good bit of gas driving down to this mall where I bought not one gift. Very ridiculous. Anyway, Jared and I decided we were done shopping for the day. I think we were both disgusted at the situation.

Sunday, we did absolutely nothing. We sat in front of our huge Christmas tree and watched it spin round and round. (We have a spinning tree stand) We talked about life and the holidays. It was nice and something I think I really needed. Trying to plan Christmas with multiple families is very challenging. I'm getting to the point where I can't even enjoy my favorite time of year as it only seems to end with arguments on where to spend most of our time. I thought we had a decent compromise for this year, but apparently Jared doesn't feel the same. Though once I pointed out we would be spending the majority of the day with his family, he realized he had no room to complain.

I am excited about one decision we made. This Christmas eve, instead of driving ourselves insane going 4 different places, we are staying at home. We will go to our own church for our very first Christmas eve service and spend Christmas morning in our own home. Though we aren't giving each other gifts, I am very excited to know I get to wake up in my own bed, drink a cup of my own coffee, and mentally prepare for the long day ahead. I think we will both be quite thankful for the time alone before the long day of travel. There is just something nice about knowing you can start your own traditions after getting married. I would love to see Christmas eve become "our" time to have each year. At this point, I realize this is more than likely just wishful thinking.

So here we are, back to Monday. How was your weekend?

Friday, December 4, 2009

Finally Friday

This has been one of the worst weeks I've had in a very long time. You all know about the dog issues but because of having to deal with taking the dog to the vet, I missed time from work and now am walking on eggshells with my employer. It seems they make up new "rules" each week with what we can and cannot do. In the past, we could take time off through the week as long as we made our hours up before Friday at 5pm. That was awesome because if you needed to see the doctor or something, you could just schedule it and go, then make up your time. Now, ANY and ALL time off must be scheduled at least 2 weeks in advance. Really? So you aren't allowed to call out sick, or if you do you risk losing your position. If your child has an emergency or gets ill, you must plan that out in advance. I mean what kind of dumbass shit is that? No person sits at home and says, geez...I think I'll be getting the flu in a couple of weeks so I better go ahead and schedule that in.

Anyway, I don't know if it's all the stress of the week or what but I am finding it hard to function. I feel useless, worthless, and sad. No Happy Hour Friday for me. I just want a hot cup of tea and honey and then my big bed. Blekkk I hate feeling like this!

Thursday, December 3, 2009

This has been a bad week

Tuesday morning a little after 10am my door bell rings. As I get up from my desk chair to see who is at the door, my dog Dudley jumps down to bark and greet our guests. As I reach the front door I notice something is wrong with my pooch. I couldn't quite figure it out at first and greeted two bible thumpers. As I say hello to them I am focused on my dog. He is stumbling about in a very uncoordinated fashion. He looked scared and I couldn't tell what was wrong. I knew this was bad. I quickly told my guests I had to go, and they tried to keep me there and told me they wanted to "spread the word about Jesus". By this time, Dudley's distress sunk into my brain and I knew what was going on. I shouted to the bible bitches that I was having an emergency and slammed the door in their faces.

Dudley was having a seizure. He was shaking all over and his eyes were wide with confusion and fear. I talked to him and tried to calm him, for I knew I could do nothing for him until the seizure stopped. I called my husband and he started home from work. I called the vet, who explained that I didn't need to rush him in. They asked for us to monitor him over the next weeks and if he had another seizure within a month, to bring him in. By this time, he had calmed and the seizure had stopped. He looked so scared and so was I. Immediately following the completion of the seizure, he vomited. I felt helpless. Before my husband arrived, I watched as my poor pooch began to have a second seizure. I knew it was time to take him to the vet. He was scared, I could tell. He fumbled over to where his crate was and he crawled inside the best he could. I knew it was a safe place for him. I sat in front of him trying to calm him down and within a minute the second seizure stopped. He again vomited. We rushed him to the vet and for the next several hours were forced to wait for news of what was going on.

I was scared.

Turns out he had pancreatitis, which was responsible for the seizures. We brought him home Tuesday night but he was left with an IV catheter in his arm. We were instructed to closely monitor him. I don't think I got much sleep. Yesterday we took him back and things were better. Now my little puggle his home and happy. I pray nothing like this comes about again. He is so sweet and doesn't deserve to feel bad. I mean look at that face! Thank God he make it through.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Random Tuesday Thoughts

-Don't you think it's strange how life moves on? Weather someone we love passes on, gets sick, moves away, gets robbed, suffers personal strife, etc. Life ALWAYS moves on. No matter how bad things are, they eventually do get better and we keep pressing forward and forget about the past.

-Why is the damn Midwest weather so ridiculous? I mean how can it be December 1st and going to be 60 degrees today? Then tomorrow it will be in the 40's. I don't ever remember it being 60 degrees and sunny in December.

-Why does my dog want to sleep ON my back during the work day? I sit in my big comfy desk chair and have to spend half my day fighting to keep him from jumping over to wedge himself between my back and the back of the chair. He is heavy and it is uncomfortable. To my right is a HUGE queen sized bed he could have all for himself, but nope....he wants my back.

-I hate colds. They make me feel miserable all over. My head hurts, face hurts, nose hurts, throat hurts, chest hurts. I mean seriously, can this crap end like now.

-Do you ever randomly find money in your home? I never do. My husband once found 100 bucks in a birthday card he had stashed away and forgot about. He found that money 2 years after it was given to him. Recently someone else I knew found 112 bucks in a random bag. They had gotten it from a wedding and forgot they had stashed it in a closet. Now they come across it over a year later. Just very random isn't it!

-Why is it that even though my name has changed from getting married, I still think of myself by my old name? I have to FORCE myself to say or write the new name. I wonder how long it will take for me to finally recognize that I am this new name.

Anyway, those are my thoughts for this random Tuesday. What's on your mind?