Get it done!

This is bound to be a long day. I started work at 5:30am and am planning on sticking to it until 5:30pm. If I can manage to do it, I will have gotten all my overtime done in two days, which leaves the rest of the week for a "normal" routine. I really want to get into the pool at least one day this week so as long as I can last sitting behind this computer all day, I should be able to make it there on Thursday. Seems weird to wish to swim when I look out on all the white snow.

We got a bit of the white stuff overnight (3.5 inches and still falling). From the sound of it, we are going to be getting some bitterly cold temps later today. Wind chills are going to drop all day and they say we could reach double digit below zero temps by this afternoon. I'm glad I work inside! Watching Jared get ready for work today made me feel sorry for everyone who works out and about. He was layering and layering and layering clothes.

Watching him reminded me of snow days when I was growing up. I would spend most of my time out in the snow all bundled up like that. We would play outside all day making forts or snowmen and having snow ball fights. Then we would come in and have hot chocolate and get warm. I can remember waiting and waiting for my dad to get home. He would take us sledding or would help us build the best snow creatures in the history of the world. I can remember one year we made this dragon, he sculpted the head and we made the body out of snow balls. The body went through our entire back yard, which was pretty big. It was amazing! We have made so many different things over the years it's hard to remember all of them. The snow always makes me think of him. I guess it always turned him into a kid again and he still loves being out in it.

As much as I like spring, summer, and fall I just don't think I would ever want to live somewhere that doesn't get a good winter snow. It is sort of magical! Even at 30 years old, I am still in awe every time I watch it fall.

Monday....we meet again.

Monday yet again arrives at our door. I am well rested; had a wonderful weekend of relaxation with my husband. This is the first Monday in a long time where I woke up and feel good and happy. It is snowing today. Should be snowing most of the day and into tomorrow. I love looking out the window and seeing the white covered trees and grass. Right now I see big fluffy flakes; falling in silence to the cool ground below. Just something about it is comforting to me. I can't really explain it, but I like the way it feels.

I think it is good to feel like this, to sit back and really explore the way a single situation can make you happy, sad, relaxed, anxious. Last week my goal was to get back into exercise. To go back to the water aerobics class I used to enjoy. Being forced into overtime made it very difficult for me to hit my goal. In fact, I didn't make it at all. Again this week, my goal is to get back to the water. I love the water; it is a place that is comfortable and easy on my body. We have another week of ridiculous over time expected. The aerobics class is Monday and Wednesday and it looks like this is another week where I won't hit my goal. Wednesday night I have a seminar and with all this over time I'll be lucky to make it to that, which is very disappointing.

I feel like I need to start making some changes now and start preparing my body for whatever is ahead of me, which means I have to find a way to get around this work schedule. Find a way to fit in what needs to be done. If I can't do it now, how will I ever manage it? I wish things weren't quite so challenging. Wish it didn't hurt to move. Wish I could just work a normal schedule and have a break to sort all this out. I guess this is a new lesson in my life; push through this difficult stuff to find a new life and new me. I know I have to start somewhere and I suppose the hardest part is getting that big boulder moving. Once it starts to roll, it should pick up momentum and move on it's own. I need all the help I can get right now, but my job is taking it's toll on me. For now, I'll just keep watching the snow and try to figure out a way to fit everything in.

My brain is going to explode

So this week has been completely crazy. We had a ton of overtime forced on us so I've been working some very long hours. I'm thankful today is Friday and the end of my day is just around the corner. On top of work, I've been doing an amazing amount of hard core thinking about my life. A good friend, I'll call her J, called me on Monday night. J was my roommate in college. We are both now nurses, but she is a far better one that I turned out to be. Anyway, it just so happens that J works with surgical patients and sees alot of weight loss surgery post-ops. Lucky for me, this provides a very unique look into this whole process.

So, she called to talk with me about surgery and what she sees from the nursing end and what recommendations she can make for this journey. I got a great deal of information from her, more than I realized. It has forced some long and hard thinking from my end, and I am grateful. I need to know all the good, bad, and ugly than can be with my choice for weight loss surgery.

After several days of really thinking about things, I've made the decision to continue to press forward with my plan. J supports this decision and has given me some good things to research and explore in regard to what surgeon and what hospital I choose. She is happy to be by my side on this but out of care urges me to be EXTREMELY well educated about everything prior to jumping off into the procedure. I wouldn't have it any other way.

I have been spending alot of free time doing research on local hospitals and reading about different surgeons. I feel like I have my choice narrowed down to a couple of places. One of them is through J's hospital. She told me if I went there I would be getting a great surgeon (one of the best); however, he has absolutely zero bedside manner. I am pretty hesitant to see a surgeon who will not make rounds on me the days following my procedure. The good thing about making the decision to use her hospital is that she can make arrangements to care for me during my stay. How fantastic would that be? Having a nurse you know personally and who is a damn good nurse to boot. I'm not sure anything could be bad about that and it would set my mind at ease knowing I would get top notch care in the days following the surgery.

I've come to realize this is a very tough and big decision. I have two more seminars scheduled, one is coming up next week and the other in March. I am trying to be very careful and take my time on this. Some days I wake up and think about it and am ready to go, other days I think about the struggles that could come and am not sure I want to go through with it. I think when the time is right my heart and mind will come together and decide yes or no. When that does happen I intend to put 100% of myself into whatever decision is made. For now, my education continues.

These are the best days

I had such a wonderful weekend. Why??? Because my 5 year old niece, who we call KK, came for a visit .

Isn't she cute! (This picture was taken at Christmas...Obviously)

Anyway, I had a blast with her. She is big into the Nintendo Wii so we played and played and played games on the Wii. She would be a happy clam to sit and watch TV and play video games for her entire life. All to similar to her Daddy (my brother). She is easily the smartest kid I have ever seen. At age 5 she can read and write and knows more math than I do. I sat with her eating at a local restaurant. She was playing with the kids menu and was reading it to me. I was in awe!

So, we played the Wii a good bit, but Jared and I started to teach her a new game she doesn't play at home....POOL! We have a small pool table in our basement and she thought it was about the best thing going. We even have it set up with black lights and glow balls, which is obviously the most amazing thing to a 5 year old.

Plus, we live 3 houses away from a local park so despite it only being 35 degrees on Sunday, we took her over to the park for some fresh air. Dudley dog loved getting out and running with her and we got to watch the geese try to walk on the thin ice on the pond. They would walk and you could hear the ice crack and plop, they would fall through. Very funny!

All I can say is I feel pretty darn special to have a 5 year old who wants to come spend time with me. I had just as much fun as she did and can't wait for her next visit!

So it begins...and I am excited!

Today is the first real step toward my ultimate goal. I am heading to my very first weight loss surgery seminar. I am finding myself to be both excited and nervous. I am anxious to learn more even though I've been doing a lot of reading on my own. I feel like this process is going to take forever. I am really just an impatient person when it comes to things like this. Once it is in my head, and I know I can make it happen; I cannot get it done soon enough. So, the journey begins today.

I've been thinking more about how I want to keep track of my progress during this time and know there are several ways that are options. I can continue to use my blog as a place to track myself, which I will more than likely do regardless; however, I am also trying to think of a way to visually watch the changes. Some people take weekly or monthly photo's, others might make short video's blogs of their journey. Any thoughts about this? I am thinking it would be wonderful to take weekly photos and make one big album I can keep. That way I could flip back anytime I wanted and would have something I could take with me to show friends and family down the road. My only concern is that each weekly picture won't look all that different. Perhaps monthly photo's would be better. I dunno. Any thoughts?

On a side note, I am very excited because my 5 year old niece is coming to stay with me this weekend. She is completely adorable and I can't wait to spend some good quality time with her. Sounds like she is bringing her Mommy too, which is fine; though I would have enjoyed having her all to myself. I will hopefully remember to take some photo's of our time together.

Just another Thursday

Today is my last 10 hour Thursday, which means tomorrow is my last Friday off without having to use vacation. Apparently my boss is not satisfied with my work as of late so my 4 day per week schedule is being revoked and I am being sent back to the standard 5 day/week like everyone else. At first I was a bit upset about this mainly because I don't like that they are unhappy with my work, but also because I LOVE having every Friday off. It became my own personal time to do what I wanted and needed to do so I will miss having it that way. I can see the reasoning though, I could be more productive in a day, and this is a way to get me re-focused. So, that is now my mission. Obviously I'm still not 100% in focus as I am writing this during my work shift. :) But seriously, I am allowed breaks during the day and instead of getting up and taking 15-20 minutes here or there I choose to use my break time spread out all day. My productivity will go up and they will be happy with me, or at least I hope they will.

I have a very stressful job. You never can seem to do enough to make them happy. I guess that is the big fault of a production-based position. They figure you could always do more than you do. Anyway, I am hopeful within a couple of weeks they will leave me alone.

I don't really mind having the 5 day work week either and I figure there is a reason this is coming back to me now. I still get my weekends to myself and this will give me time to get back into water aerobics, which I have missed. So, I am trying to look at the change as a positive thing. My husband was working long 10-14 hour days when I decided to switch to the 4 day per week schedule so that we would better match our work times. Now he is rarely getting 8 hours so the change back to 8 hour days for me will mean more time with him in the evenings. He sounds pretty happy about the change so maybe it will be for the best.

Now the question is; what to do for my last Friday off??

Get that big ball rolling

Today I have officially taken my first steps to the future. I have signed myself up to go to not one but two separate seminars about weight loss surgery. I am very excited to know that this could happen fairly quickly for me. I was told I can set up with a surgeon as soon as I wish following each of the seminars. I am pretty scared at this whole situation and know there are some major risks involved and find myself being reminded of this pretty frequently; however, life is not without risks. I figure each time I get in my little Jeep to go shopping or to visit family/friends I am at risk of something major happening. I figure we each face risk of dying or of suffering major injury from normal day to day activities. As such, I wonder why those "risks" people are so eager to point out should stop me from looking into this in a serious manner.

Did you know obesity and inactivity can causes cancers including colon, breast, kidney, and esophageal cancer? Here are some statistics I found at CNN. com;
49 percent of endometrial cancers are caused by excess body fat. That number is followed by 35 percent of esophageal cancer cases; 28 percent of pancreatic cancer cases; 24 percent of kidney cancer cases; 21 percent of gallbladder cancer cases; 17 percent of breast cancer cases; and 9 percent of colorectal cancer cases.

Is it just me or is that SCARY! Almost half of all endometrial cancer is caused by being obese! What is endometrial cancer? Most people would call it uterine cancer. According to Mayo Clinic; endometrial cancer, is one of the most common cancers in American women. It begins in the cells of the endometrium, the lining of your uterus — a hollow, pear-shaped pelvic organ where fetal development occurs. Endometrial cancer is sometimes called uterine cancer, but there are other cells in the uterus that can become cancerous — such as muscle or myometrial cells. These form much less common cancers called sarcomas.

So, those who say surgery is risky...I show you these number and I show you the increased risk of co-morbidities including heart disease, diabetes, stroke, DEATH. I realize this is a big decision and the decision for surgery is not the choice that is appropriate or right for ALL obese people. That being said, I feel it is the right decision for me and my future. Anyway, so the big ball is now in motion. I am getting focused on the next steps in the coming months and learning more and more about obesity and surgery.