Tuesday, September 8, 2009

MIL, who asked you?

My fiance' and I had a BBQ at our house over the weekend. We had our bridal party and families come as we needed to have our "guys" go for a round of tux fittings at the bridal shop. Most of our wedding party is made up of family members so basically we just had a big family BBQ with it. Of course, this meant my future MIL was here. I can't tell you how much FUN I had. Within an hour I was wishing I could stick forks in my eyeballs just to have an excuse to get the hell out of my own party! Anyway, this BBQ reminded me I need to move along on my blog with the MIL story.

So on I go....

As time passed after our engagement and after getting through my brothers wedding last year, I decided it was finally time to start getting serious about wedding plans. I though a good place to start was to look for my gown. Now, I am plus sized...no I'm a BIG woman. Have been my entire life. Tried diet after diet after diet, you know...alot of us have been there. Things may work for awhile but then I re-gain etc. Same old story everyone tells. Anyway, yes I am big. It does not take away from who I am. Jerry fell in love with me despite all this and I think all in all I'm a good and decent person, which obviously my size has nothing to do with. I only tell you this because it does influence the story somewhat.

As I began wedding gown shopping I found out extremely quickly, the wedding industry does NOT cater to plus sized women. It was very difficult to find shops that carried my size on the rack to try on. The first place I went I was treated very rudely, and at the time I didn't realize how rude they were. Let's just say, when I went back to the same place with a friend who was trying on dresses, I got to first hand see the difference. Anyway, it was a difficult journey. I was determined to find something at a "reasonable" price. Ha, I laugh at it now because that was not even an option for me. I did most of the searching alone as I was a bit embarrassed going in shop after shop to be told they could "order" something for me, but the "order" meant I had to purchase. Why on earth do I want to pay 1000 bucks for a dress I've never tried on? It just seemed so unfair. Luckily, I found a shop with dresses in my size. I went the first time alone and found several I liked. Of course, I had my mother come down and shop with me after that and then I settled on THE ONE! I did have to order it, which was fine since I knew I loved it on my body. For all of you who have been married, you know the excitement and joy of finding your wedding gown. It's a special time in your life and that gown is very important, more than I realized I suppose. So, I ordered the gown and took the designer book with the picture so I could show everyone what dress I had chosen.

Fairly soon after this even, my future MIL was visiting and asking about my gown hunt. I told her I had just found the one I loved and it was ordered. She asked to see a picture of it and this is what I showed her (yes this is my gown) only it is ivory trimmed in fuchsia pink. Anyway, as I showed her the picture and explained that the trim color was pink, the real MIL came out to crush my joy. The very first comment she made was related to my color choice. Now pink is what I consider my signature color. I have loved it my whole life! But, my MIL tells me I need to "call that bridal shop and have your order changed, you need to wear all white and get that color taken off of there." I say, what?! You have to be kidding, the entire reason I chose this dress was BECAUSE I wanted to wear pink! She explains, "wearing ivory and pink looks....well bad, a bride should wear white to look proper". I am crushed, and thinking she is nuts. I was not going to re-order my dress for anyone! After all it was MY dress. I say very little to her all the while thinking to myself, lady...I've been sleeping with your son for the last 6 years...there is no need for me to wear white!

Anyway, I stand in silence unsure of how to approach it. I start to close the book when she exclaims, "I sure hope you are planning on wearing a jacket or shawl as well, you are to big to wear a sleeveless dress". Again, my heart drops. How can this woman be saying this to me? After all, her son fell in love with me for who I am and not my size. I was crushed and angry and instead of telling her off, I simply close the book and walk away. Nothing more is said about the dress until....this weekend! As last week passed the MIL called to asked to see my gown. I already knew some of my bridesmaids wanted to see it as well. I decided I wanted to show my girls the dress as I knew they would be supportive and happy for me. Since the MIL was here, I showed her as well. At the bridal shop, where my gown is being held, I slip into my dress with butterflies in my stomach, remembering the harsh words this woman said to me so many months before. Will she be supportive this time, will she decided it is a beautiful gown, or will it be the same old story as before? As I walk out of the room, my mother and bridesmaids smile in the most heartfelt and loving way possible. Tears in my mother's eyes let me know how much she cares and how proud she is of me in that moment. I look at the MIL...and there is nothing. No emotion, no words...nothing. As I stand and look in the mirror while my girls laugh and take photo's by my side to remember the moment...MIL says no words at all. Finally she asks, "where is your veil"? I tell her I am wearing a tiara but no veil. She gives me a look, which tells me she believes this to be inappropriate as well. She immediately goes to the rack of veils trying to pick one out. My mother shakes her head and tells me she is happy I am not wearing a veil, it doesn't suit my style. So I ignore the MIL and return to the dressing room to redress. I fight with all my might to hold back the tears. Despite how much I do not want to care what this woman thinks...I cannot help but hurt and feel ugly in this moment. She has ruined this for me and has made me believe I will not be a beautiful bride. No woman should be made to feel like this for her wedding. What is wrong with her?


otin said...

In New Jersey we have an old family saying, it has been passed down for generations....."Fuck that bitch"! LMAO!!!!!!

Bamboo said...

Bahahaha!! Yes, I so badly want to curse her out but for the sake of my future husband and my future family life, I hold it all inside.

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